FBC – 413 – How To Overcome The Fear Of Being Alone

How To Overcome The Fear Of Being Alone.

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Are you terrified of being “alone” and it’s driving a lot of your decisions (for better or worse)

What does it really mean to be alone? Is there a way we can train ourselves to never experience such hardship?

In today’s episode, we are going to discuss the one critical concept that you need to understand in order not to feel alone EVER AGAIN.

What if everything you knew about loneliness was a myth and that you had far more options that you thought.

Well this is exactly what you are going to discover in today’s episode

—

Here is one of my favorite quotes:

“The only thing worse than starting something and failing. is not starting something.”
, Seth Godin, founder Squidoo

[Full Disclosure: As an affiliate, I receive compensation if you purchase through my affiliate link.]

Martin Ebongue

Online Entrepreneur & free spirit:

Proud Owner Of The 50K Emails A Day Done-For-You Software

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Your Podcast Host

International Speaker | Podcaster | Free Spirit

Freedom Is A Choice: So choose wisely...

Welcome to the Freedom By Choice Podcast with your one and only hoste Martin. This podcast is reserved for freedom aficionados and entrepreneurs looking to create the lifestyle of their dreams.

In this podcast you will find all the support and answers you need to start, grow and scale a business that gives you the freedom you deserve.

I have compressed years of trials and errors, into easy to consume episodes, to take you from where you are now, to where you want to be.

This is a very crucial concept and a very big misunderstanding from a lot of people about entrepreneurship. OK. I'm going to make the parallel between two different concepts that people actually get confused, right.

But one thing that I get a lot from people is that, when you're an entrepreneur, you are alone. OK, so you're alone and stuff like that.

So what I want you to understand is that people actually have the wrong idea of what it means to be an entrepreneur.

Because in my mind, there is the comfort of being alone. But there is something else that people are actually missing. And again, as I said, they're just mingling everything. They’re missing the point. And this is one of the reasons why a lot of people are really not starting their entrepreneurship journey because they think they're going to be alone.

So people just assume that if you're an entrepreneur, you work on the Web and you don't have this big office and a lot of employees and all that kind of stuff, you're alone the same way that if you're not married and you don't have kids or something, you're alone.

What a lot of people have in their mind is that if you don't have this, a partner, marriage, family, etc then you're a failure and you're alone. OK, so it’s not true. And this is same thing with entrepreneurship, right?

We've been conditioned to think that, well, you need offices and so many people in there and the secretary and all that kind of stuff. And if you don't have that, you're alone. But is that really the truth?

How To Overcome The Fear Of Being Alone.

It's not. It's just a perception and it's just some conditioning that you've had over the years that makes you think this. So as a result, without knowing it and realizing it, people are afraid to be alone.

OK, so now here's the point that I want to make. I told you that people will confuse two different concepts. So there is being alone, OK, being alone is in your head. It's in your mind. It's all these superstitions and all these beliefs that you have that were given to you by all the examples and mainly television.

And there is something different which is being by yourself and being by yourself is just a spatial concept. Right. It's physics, right. You are the only one in the room, OK? It's just the physics of you. Look at the space around you and it's you. So you're by yourself, OK? But these things are very different.

And if you're by yourself, you're alone and it's actually not the case. And if you want my opinion, being by yourself is the ultimate growth vehicle. There is nothing that can compare to being by yourself in order to grow.

This is the foundation of everything. OK, so now let me explain why. So if you've never taken the time to be by yourself, right. You don't know who you are. You really don't because very often you see the person you think you are which is based on what other people think. The perception that you have, what you think, they think or what they tell you and stuff.

And after a while when a few people start telling you this then you just assume that well this is me. But you don't really know.

And when you hear travel, you just reduce it to the concept of being on holiday on the beach with a cocktail. Right. You don't see the whole traveling thingy of going to the UK office when it's raining and everything.

OK, so it's only after I started spending time with myself that I realized that I don't necessarily need to travel. I really don't. I just want to have the opportunity and the choice, the freedom to do it. If I want, I can stay put.

I mean, here I've been confined here at home for the last month and a half and I can stay in the same place, in the same country for five years, ten years without actually needing to travel. And before I actually thought I needed it because I it was just a projection of what other people were telling me.

OK, so, so that's why I'm saying that if you don't spend time by yourself with yourself, you will never actually know who you are. You're just going to be some sort of like projection of what other people think, OK?

And that's it is quite dangerous for you, because if you don't know who you are, you don't have a clear sense of direction and an understanding of what's good for you and what's not right and why.

Learning to be alone without being lonely

You are quietly terrified of being alone, and that fear is steering more of your choices than you would ever admit.

It shapes who you date, who you keep around, the deals you accept, the boundaries you never set. When being alone feels like a threat, you cling to whatever fills the space, even when it is costing you. I know that pull. For a long time I mistook constant company for connection.

Here is the reframe that changed it. Being alone and being lonely are not the same thing. Alone is a fact. Lonely is a feeling, and the feeling shrinks dramatically once you build a real relationship with your own company. Time by yourself stops being a punishment and becomes where your clearest thinking happens.

The training is small and repeatable. Spend deliberate time alone on purpose, doing something that matters to you, until the silence stops feeling like a warning and starts feeling like room to breathe.

The research supports it. Harvard Business Review has covered how comfort with solitude improves judgment and resilience, and the HubSpot blog keeps showing that self reliant people make cleaner decisions under pressure.

I explore this fully on the podcast and in my Substack. Get good at being alone, and fear loses its grip.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do so many high-functioning people fear being alone?

Because solitude removes the audience that validates the persona. When the room is empty, the mind has to answer to itself, and most people have never built that conversation. Discomfort in solitude is a signal that the inner relationship needs the same care that the outer ones get.

What practical steps help someone become comfortable with solitude?

Schedule one alone day per week with no podcasts, no scrolling, no calls. Walk, read, write, cook. The first two weeks feel like withdrawal. By week four most people stop needing the audio loop. The capacity returns once it has been practiced again.

Is fear of being alone the same as needing connection?

No. Needing connection is healthy and never goes away. Fear of being alone is the inability to sit with your own thoughts for an hour. The first is biological. The second is a skill that has eroded from constant input. Connection becomes richer once solitude is recoverable.

How does comfort with solitude change decision making?

It cuts the influence of other people's expectations down to a usable level. When you can sit alone with a hard choice for a full evening, you stop outsourcing decisions to whoever speaks last. The quality of the calls rises within months.

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