FBC – 225 – My secret to avoid being disappointed

My secret to avoid being disappointed.

Today, I want to give you a trick that will save you a lot of drama, disappointment and hassle in your life. Most of our frustration and disappointment actually comes from a costly mistake that we tend to make.

It's time to change that. All the answers are in today's episode

This is going to save you a lot of headaches and a lot of disappointments. Because here is something that I preach, something that I've learned. When it comes to judging people's character or trusting people, there is something that a lot of us do. We pay attention to what people say.

Right. So people will tell you stuff. When shit hits the fan, I'll be there. I'll do this. I'll do that. And there is this expression that says, “Talk is cheap”. It's easy to say. Oh, yeah. You know what? I'll do this and I will do that. Right. I used to listen to what people said before. So it's not that I'm not listening at all right now. I'm giving people like the benefit of the doubt.

You have different types of people. Two very distinct types of people. So there is the guilty until proven innocent type of people. So those people are wary about everything. They distrust everybody. And you have to prove to them that you are trustworthy.

So, I mean, well, it's pretty hard to live your life this way, that's really not what I am. I'm more the innocent until proven guilty. So that means by default I just assume that people mean people are not bad. They have good in them. And, you know, instead of being super wary of everybody, because that takes a lot of time and energy. I do kind of trust people. And I'll see later if they disappoint me.

There is another saying, which is “talk the talk and now walk the walk”. Right. So talking the talk is easy. The hardest thing and the most important thing that you should focus on, if you ask me, is to look at what people say. There is a big, big difference in what people will tell you and what they will actually do.

What are you actually doing? So are you doing something that's harmful for me, something disrespectful and stuff like that? Or are you doing good things? OK. So that's really what I what I actually look at when I engage with people. And the people closest to me and that I have the longest relationship with are people who do good things. Not just people who are good talkers. It's a skill.

Some people are very good at it. And all these con artists, for example, they're really good at it. They'll tell you why you want to hear it. And then afterwards, well, they're not going to deliver.

My secret to avoid being disappointed.

So, I mean, for me, it makes life a lot easier because if you're basing your expectations on what people say, again, it's the equivalent of basing your expectations that may be quite high on you. And then you can be very disappointed where in actual fact, it doesn't happen like that and causes heart breaks and stuff.

So that's what matters to me. You know that you just did it, you know, because again, people can tell you anything they want but when opportunity materializes, they're going to stay true to their words. All right. So to me, that's one thing I've decided to do. And the people I surround myself with are people who actually do good things and do what they say they're going to do.

Okay. Me, I always try to deliver on what I say, you know, as much as possible. I'm not going to tell you that. You know what, I always deliver things where I don't necessarily deliver. And I now realize that it kind of sucks for the other person. So stuff like Oh yeah, don't worry, I'll give you a call today or I'll give you a call tomorrow and then I just don't.

So I need to make a conscious effort to get better at this.

Watching what people do is always more reliable than listening to what they say. Actions are expensive. Words are free. Anyone can make a promise. Only a person of genuine character will consistently keep one.

Most disappointment in business and relationships comes from expecting words to predict behavior. They rarely do. Behavior predicts behavior. Watch patterns over time and you will almost never be surprised by someone.

How I stopped letting disappointment run my decisions

Disappointment is rarely about what happened. It is about the gap between what happened and the story you told yourself in advance. I learned that the expensive way. For years I tied my mood to outcomes I did not control, and every dip in the numbers felt like a verdict on me. Now I run four companies from Bali and I judge my work by the inputs I can actually govern, not the results I cannot. On my Freedom by Choice podcast I break down the exact way I set expectations so a slow month informs me instead of crushing me. There is real research behind this. HubSpot Research has documented how unrealistic targets quietly wreck the motivation of the very people chasing them. Aim high, but tie your sense of progress to the reps, not the applause. I share that same reframe in my LinkedIn newsletter, The Diary of a Virtual CEO, because a founder who manages their own expectations outlasts one who rides every high and low. Harvard Business Review makes the case cleanly: resilience is mostly a matter of what you decided to expect before you started.

Frequently Asked Questions: How to Avoid Disappointment in Relationships and Business

Why do people keep getting disappointed even when they have been burned before? Because the default human wiring is to believe what we hear, especially from people we want to trust. Words are compelling. They speak directly to our hope. Actions, by contrast, are slow to accumulate and easy to rationalize away. “They said the right thing, maybe they just had a bad week.” That rationalization cycle is what keeps people locked in patterns that produce the same disappointment repeatedly.

Does trusting actions over words mean you become cynical or closed off? Not at all. Martin's approach is the opposite of cynicism. He defaults to trust and goodwill, then simply watches what happens next. Cynics assume bad intent without evidence. This approach reserves judgment and lets behavior produce the evidence. The result is that your trust is placed accurately rather than withheld entirely, which means your relationships are fewer but far more reliable.

How do you apply this principle when hiring contractors or collaborators as a solopreneur? Start with small tests before committing to large engagements. Give a new contractor a bounded project with a clear deliverable and a real deadline. How they handle that tells you more than their portfolio, their references, or their pitch. Do they communicate proactively when something comes up? Do they deliver what was agreed, on time? Do they take ownership of problems? Those behaviors in a small context will repeat in a large one. That is the entire principle applied to business.

About the Author

Martin Ebongue is the founder of martinebongue.com, an online business and lifestyle design blog focused on helping aspiring entrepreneurs build location-independent businesses. Since 2014, he has been creating and scaling online ventures across multiple niches, from digital products and affiliate marketing to SaaS and content platforms, while traveling the world. He shares the real-world strategies, tools, and systems that work, with a particular focus on AI-powered automation for solopreneurs. Follow him on YouTube, X (Twitter), and Instagram.

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