DOVC – #105 – How to Master Your Emotions Before They Become Your Personality

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How to Master Your Emotions Before They Become Your Personality

Our emotions can easily get the better of us if we don’t learn to master them.

A passing mood can morph into a long-term temperament or trait if you let it fester.

In this article, I’ll reveal the step-by-step way emotions evolve into personality if left unchecked.

You’ll see concrete examples of how this impacts relationships, business, and life.

I’ll share tips to shorten your “emotional refractory period” so you can bounce back faster.

Here’s what I’ll cover:

  • How a fleeting emotion becomes a lingering mood if you cling to it
  • Why prolonged moods transition into temperaments if left unresolved
  • How temperaments turn into ingrained personality traits over the years
  • Real examples of how emotional baggage shapes who we become
  • Why mastering your emotions is key to relationships and business
  • How clinging to pain from the past poisons your present and future
  • Tips to shorten your emotional refractory period
  • How to stop minor events from impacting you long-term
  • Why indifference and moving on are the real victories

How a Fleeting Emotion Becomes a Lingering Mood

When something upsets us, it triggers an emotion.

If we fixate on that emotion for hours or days, it becomes a mood we carry around and project onto others.

For example, say someone is rude to you. Initially, you feel anger.

But stewing over it for the next 24 hours turns that emotion into a bad mood.

You’re churning the offense over and over.

So what defines a mood? It’s an emotion you can’t let go that lingers for some time.

But moods pass if you can bounce back quickly.

The danger arises when you let it persist.

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Why Prolonged Moods Transition Into Temperaments

When a bad mood lasts for weeks instead of hours, it evolves into a temperament.

Your crankiness becomes a known element of your character.

People perceive you as someone with a “short fuse” if small things trigger extended funks.

Your mood becomes a temperament if you don’t gain control of it fast enough.

How Temperaments Become Ingrained Personality Traits

Here’s where real damage gets done.

If you harbor feelings for years instead of weeks, that temperament transforms into a personality trait.

For example, holding onto bitterness about a bad breakup for decades can engrain pessimism, distrust, and cynicism as core elements of who you are.

Your personality largely reflects the sum of emotions you clung to versus letting go.

To change it, you must master reversing this process.

Real Examples of How Emotional Baggage Shapes Us

I once knew someone who constantly trashed an ex from 10 years prior.

It seemed the breakup happened last week based on her fixation.

Her emotional baggage warped her personality and worldview.

It prevented her from moving forward and forming healthy new relationships.

I’ve also seen people remain bitter their whole lives about childhood bullying or early career failures.

Their resentment and defeatism became ingrained personality traits.

Why Mastering Your Emotions is Key to Relationships and Business

Failing to manage your emotions appropriately can tank your relationships, career, and health long term.

Lashing out from unresolved anger creates conflicts.

Cynicism from past hurts closes you off. Resentment makes you unattractive.

Businesses suffer when leaders lack emotional control.

They breed volatile, political cultures ruled by irrationality vs reason.

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How Clinging to the Past Poisons Your Present and Future

When you ruminate on an offense, you infect all areas of your life.

You carry negative energy into future interactions.

Would you throw away $1,400 because $40 was stolen? Of course not.

Yet we disregard the value of the present by dwelling on the past.

You have 1440 minutes a day.

Don’t waste them obsessing over trivialities.

Look forward, not backward.

Tips to Shorten Your Emotional Refractory Period

Aim to limit emotional disturbances to seconds or minutes vs days or years.


  • Catch yourself when simmering on something insignificant.
  • Focus on what you still have rather than what you lost.
  • Ask if you’ll care about this in a year. What about 10 years?
  • Write down what’s truly important and worth your emotions.

Mastering emotions means realizing their transience.

With practice, you can bounce back in seconds or minutes, not days.

How to Stop Minor Events From Impacting You Long-Term

Define everything as a minor inconvenience.

Don’t let it morph into a mood, temperament, and personality shaper.

Practice radically accepting offenses, then immediately shifting attention back to what truly matters.

Don’t dwell.

Why Indifference and Moving On Are the Real Victories

The real triumph is maintaining indifference and moving on, not obsessing endlessly.

Living well is the best revenge.

Enemies want your misery.

Don’t give them the satisfaction.

Starve bad memories and don’t feed good ones either.

Just proceed.

The more you master your emotions, the less anything can impact you long-term.

You control your inner world.

Key Takeaways: Master Your Emotions Before They Become Your Personality

  • Emotions become moods, moods become temperaments, temperaments become personality traits
  • Clinging to negative emotions can warp your personality and relationships long-term
  • Master your feelings quickly before they cement into permanent baggage
  • Shorten your emotional refractory period to bounce back faster
  • Focus on what you still have rather than what you lost
  • Define disturbances as minor inconveniences to prevent magnification
  • Moving on and indifference are the real triumphs over those who hurt you
  • Your emotions can control you or you can control your emotions – the choice is yours

Let me know if you have any other questions!

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