FBC – 121 – The keys to influence people

What are the key component to influence people and get them to change their behaviors? Here are some of the key points you need to remember.

Just a quick update. I went to the police right before going to the airport because they were right next to the airport and the police precinct is responsible for the airport. So I spoke to the chief to understand what happened with the dudes and stuff and you know, and see what the next steps are.

So, yeah, turns out that the judge might issue a ban for the guy so he can’t leave the country. He’s actually originally from Sri Lanka, but he's now an Italian citizen. So they think that if he leaves the country, then he’s not going to come back. I'll very much like the judge to issue a ban on this guy for that. That will cause a bunch of problems for him. And just in case, he had to go back for whatever reasons, it’ll teach him a lesson.

So on another note, I wanted to talk to you about influencing people. I'm reading a book about it right now. Some people studied the characteristics of influencers, to understand what the difference is between someone performing average and someone excelling. It's really, really fascinating. So, I mean, right now, I'm still going through the book. So maybe I've listened to like two hours or something. So there's two more hours to go. But some of the takeaways that I got from it, I just wanted to share it with you.

The keys to influence people

So the first thing you need if you want to influence someone is, you know, you need to change the way they think so that you change their behaviour. OK. Because while basically there is a desirable outcome, like you have a goal, OK, in order to get to that goal, you will need to change a behaviour point.

But people don't change their behaviour just because you tell them to change the behaviour. Right. You need to make sure that they think differently so that they will then be happy to change that behaviour. OK. So, you know, before you do anything, you define what the actual goal is. There are some things that you have to do. So first of all, you have to change the way they think. You need to identify a specific behaviour that they need to change.

What example can I give you? Well, if I want my carrots to grow faster or to actually grow, I need to water them. Right. So if you threaten me, I'll go water the plants and all that stuff. If it's not going to work, I'm not going to do it. I might do it once, but then afterwards it won't. Right.

So you need to change the way I think about the carrots and stuff and how much they need water. So that afterwards, since I changed my perspective and my mind-set on it, then I will go and do it. OK. So the first thing is you need to identify the behaviour that's actually going to make a difference.

The first thing you need to figure out is which behaviour you want to change and then you need to change the mind-set so that people will actually willingly do it. You know, because, if people are forced to do something or they don't believe in it, then they’re not going to do it. All right.

Another element that's very important is that you need to make that person understand that it is possible. So whatever task, whatever goal you want them to achieve, you need them to believe that it's possible. It sounds crazy, but in one sense, very simplistic.

You need that person to realize that it's worth it. OK. Because changing that behaviour is not going to be easy. Okay. Sometimes there is a learning curve. And if they don't think it's perfect, it’s just not worth their time. It's not worth their energy. So these people need to understand how important it is for them and that it's worth it, you know?

So we need them to visualize what life will be like afterwards once they've done that and the transformation to where they want to be. So this book is quite fascinating. And, you know, there's some stuff that you already know, but it's good when someone rephrases it in a different way. And they give some really, really good examples of stuff that people achieved and made possible, if it seemed impossible.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the most underrated key to influencing other people?

Listening longer than feels comfortable before you speak. Most attempts at influence fail because the speaker rushes to their pitch before understanding the other person's real position. Asking two more questions than you think necessary changes outcomes more than any persuasion technique.

Can you influence people without manipulating them?

Yes, by aligning your ask with what the other person already wants. Real influence shows people a clearer path to a goal they already hold. Manipulation tries to install a new goal, which triggers resistance and damages trust the moment it is detected.

Why does behavior change rarely happen through facts alone?

Facts shift opinions but not actions, because behavior runs on identity, emotion, and social proof. Telling someone smoking is bad rarely changes the habit, while showing a peer who quit and thrived often does. Influence works at the identity layer, not the information layer.

How do small kindnesses scale into long-term influence?

Consistent small actions build a trust account that compounds over years. Returning a favor within 48 hours, remembering a detail months later, or making one introduction with no agenda each create deposits. The compounded balance is what people draw on when they choose who to work with.

About the Author

Martin Ebongue is the founder of martinebongue.com, an online business and lifestyle design blog focused on helping aspiring entrepreneurs build location-independent businesses. Since 2014, he has been creating and scaling online ventures across multiple niches, from digital products and affiliate marketing to SaaS and content platforms, while traveling the world. He shares the real-world strategies, tools, and systems that work, with a particular focus on AI-powered automation for solopreneurs. Follow him on YouTube, X (Twitter), and Instagram.

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