FBC – 409 – THIS is Why you have endless & pointless arguments with friends & loved ones

THIS is Why you have endless & pointless arguments with friends & loved ones

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What if there was a key personality trait that makes people clash?

How many times have you been in an argument with someone and you really didn’t understand their point?

There is a very good reason for this my friend. Only a few people know this, or pay attention to it, but there is one crucial aspect of our personality that allows us to coexist with a certain type of person.

Meet a person from the other group and you are in for a treat my man haha

In today’s episode, we are going to explore what this key personality trait is and how you can avoid unnecessary conflicts with people.

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I wanted to talk to you about one of the most frustrating things for me. It may be the same thing for you.

I think anybody who goes through big arguments and couples and all that kind of stuff because of this. But it's not just for a relationship, it's for everything, personality wise. That will explain why you can feel that much frustration towards other people in your everyday life. And definitely I mean, there's no way you haven't gone through this.

So the topic of what we're going to talk about is actually how do you see the world in terms of what is affecting the world around you?

OK, so you have two different types of people. You have people who have an internal control and people who have an external control. And for that reason, you get very frustrated.

So just to summarize, someone who has an internal control would be the equivalent, for example, of like a director or a driver. And a person who has an external control is more I will say, you know, I don't want to offend anybody, but someone will be more a victim or a passenger if you like.

OK, well, please understand this is just my opinion and you're more than welcome to disagree. And I'm actually making some generalizations here for I mean, people are different and stuff. But this this is the kind of like the ground rule.

So here's the big difference between the two. Someone who has an internal control believes that if they work hard enough and if they think of a creative way or a better way to solve a problem, it is going to happen. They’re actually getting their motivation, their drive and everything from within. These are the people would actually go and look in the mirror first if anything happens.

THIS is Why you have endless & pointless arguments with friends & loved ones

Some people just mess around. They just do crazy stuff. And then when the shit hits the fan, they start crying. Why people are so messed up. I'm like, dude, you did this. This is what happened to me. So if you have a strong internal control, you understand that actions have consequences.

OK, so when I'm saying consequences. I'm not just saying bad things, I'm talking about good things and I'm talking about bad things. If you sit at home and you study and you work on your business and then the business works, then this is a positive outcome.

I will say that people who have an internal control are more to basically have a good sense of accountability. Well, this is what happened. Doesn't look good, but dude, I messed up. It's my fault. OK, what did I do wrong? How do I fix it?

We're going to look at the other end of the spectrum and then you might figure out which one you are and you might understand why it's kind of hard to coexist and everything.

Now, people who have an external control feel that everything in the world is controlled by external circumstances. They have absolutely no power and no control over it. It just happens. It's just like, oh, there's nothing I can do. There is a bigger force at work spinning the wheels.

So right now, during this period here of covid-19, the people who are going to adopt this mind-set that because of that disease, everything is going to close. That's it. We're screwed. These are not the people are going to come out on top.

So if you have this attitude towards what's happening due to external circumstances and stuff, how do you actually move forward in life? Because it's never your fault. There's nothing you have done wrong. It's just something unfair that materialized.

OK, and this is why I think that with an internal control, you have people who have more personal growth.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do most arguments keep circling without ever reaching resolution?

Most arguments are not about the topic. They are about being right, being heard, or being respected. The topic is a placeholder. Until one person names the real need under the surface, the loop will keep restarting on a different excuse the next day, the next week, the next month.

How do I break a repetitive argument cycle with someone close to me?

Stop arguing the content and ask one question instead. What do you actually need right now from this conversation. Ninety percent of the time the answer has nothing to do with what you were arguing about. The shift breaks the loop because the loop never had a target to begin with.

Why does winning an argument often feel worse than losing it?

Because winning the point usually costs the relationship a small piece. The other person walks away feeling smaller, and that smaller version of them shows up in every conversation afterward. The math compounds. Long-term, the people who pick which arguments to skip outperform the people who never lose one.

When is it actually worth engaging in a hard conversation?

When the outcome of avoiding it costs more than the discomfort of having it. If a boundary is being crossed, a value is being violated, or a decision needs to be made, engage. If the goal is to prove a point about a topic neither party will change their mind on, walk.

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• FBC – 4 Part 1 – This is the story of my life: Success, Failure and The Hurdles.
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• FBC – 8 – The Weirdest Challenge To Boost Your Confidence
• Other really cool tips that will give you an unfair advantage