FBC – 214 – How to put an end to hatred and bitterness

How to put an end to hatred and bitterness.

Today, I want to help you put an end once and for all to some of the hatred that consumes most people throughout their life. Applying this will not only give you a roadmap to success but also, help you be happier and more relaxed.

This episode is a must so make sure not to miss it.

All the answers are in this episode.

A lot of us go through life being bitter and angry at something. Something you find unfair and stuff. Being mad and bitter and stuff takes a lot of out of your vital energy. You know what you used to you have fun and all that stuff. And the last thing you want to do is go through life, only experiencing being mad at everything.

I was mad at a lot of stuff until I started thinking about it objectively. I had a discussion with someone a few days ago actually about this. I don't know why people are so passionate about this.

As far as I'm concerned, I don't think they're seeing it objectively. OK. You know, sometimes I tell you about some other angle that you can approach things from and stuff. So it's not just how to do this, how to do that. But it's more how to be at peace with yourself as well. And then you're not mad anymore. And it's more constructive.

For example, you know, people say that it's unfair that Bob makes more than me. So you're basically using all that negative energy which takes a lot out of you, right? You're trying to use that negative energy to maybe get a pay cut for Bob. But here's the thing. Why don't you use that energy positively so that instead of wishing for Bob to get a pay cut, you wish you had a pay raise.

And at that point, you're not mad at Bob anymore. And then you have everything in your head, all the positive energy to actually go and do it right. Trust me, once you're at peace and you understand the principle behind it, leave the emotions aside. OK. That's one thing that's hard to do.

Leave the emotions aside and then analyse the situation. And then once you do, you'll be like, oh, right, OK. I do understand that I don't need to be mad about that anymore.

I was talking to someone recently, and we were talking about someone we know whose dad was in business. And now his son is a businessman and he actually makes good money. And the discussion was mainly the way it's unfair. His dad was a businessman. So he got everything from his dad. He has no merit. And it's unfair.

So you've probably experienced that as well. And you might be thinking that. Oh, man, you know what? This guy's dad was a politician, so he knows the politics and all that stuff and it isn't fair. I hate the guy and stuff. And you use all that that vital energy that you could use for something else to hate on people and be bitter, which doesn't actually help you in any way. It actually pulls you down. Right.

Now, here's the thing. I want you to leave emotions aside right. For a second. OK? Try to leave your emotions aside. His dad was a businessman. So his dad obviously taught him some stuff.

The dad learned something and he exposed his son to what he learned. People consider that, oh, that's a head start. Right. Which I can understand in that particular field. Yes. It's a head start. Now, this is where I want you to be very careful and leave your emotions aside now.

So let's say, for example, your dad is an electrician. If your dad's an electrician, has your dad ever taught you anything about electricity and the stuff around the house? He has! Every single parent will actually pass down information to their kids. They will pass on what they know. OK.

So here's the thing. What is the difference in principle? I'm saying in principle. And again, please leave your emotions aside. What is the difference between a guy who passes down the information of what he learned about business to his kid or a woman, who passes it, passes down the information she learns about business to her kid and someone who passes down the information they learn as an electrician to their kids.

Where is the difference? I see there's no difference. There is absolutely no difference.

How to put an end to hatred and bitterness

Now, what changes? What changes is just the information you pass down. But this is what people are actually seeing, like, oh, man, it's unfair. No. What is it? Why is it unfair?

You do it with your kids? I don't know. I don't know what you do. What job you do. But surely you must teach them stuff. So now you can say, oh, yeah, but it's unfair because this information that they're getting has more value. And this is what I want to touch base on.

So let's say, for example, that your mom or your dad was an organic farmer or something. They have proprietary methods and ancestral techniques that they use to grow their veggies. They're absolutely insane and people love them. So 10 years ago, maybe that skill was kind of pointless, I'll say, because people were like, now you know what? We'll just you we'll just eat the mass production stuff.

But what is happening today? Today, people are moving towards organic because they care more about what they eat. Right. So something that you thought wasn't fair before, right. Now, if your parents are giving you that information, then it's a big advantage. So here's what I'm saying; things can change, right?

Same thing if your parents were specialists in sustainable energy. Well, ten years ago, who cared? We had a lot of oil and all who cared? But today, don't you think that if they give you this skill, you will be better off? Of course. It's a booming industry now.

So I don't want you to be caught up in this situation where you just hate them. You do the same thing with your kids. Your parents have done the same things with you. And, you know, every parent on the planet does the same thing. Once you understand this, you're like, oh, right. OK. There's no need to hate these people. All right.

Bitterness is not a shield. It is a drain. Every ounce of negative energy you spend resenting someone else is energy you cannot use to build your own success.

Once you leave emotions aside and analyze a situation objectively, most resentment dissolves. You realize the rules that applied to someone else apply to you too. The playing field was never as unequal as it looked from the inside.

What bitterness cost me before I learned to put it down

Nobody tells you that resentment is a business expense. It is. Every hour you spend rehearsing who wronged you is an hour stolen from the thing you claim you want to build. I carried that weight for years, and it slowed everything down. The turning point was simple and brutal. I decided that being right mattered less than being free. I have recorded more than 578 podcast episodes, and the recurring theme from the people who actually made it is that they let go of the grudge long before the money showed up. Harvard Business Review has written about how chronic resentment quietly drains focus and decision quality, and I lived every word of that before I fixed it. The version of me that ran four companies from Bali could not have existed while I was still keeping score. I unpack this shift in more depth across my Substack essays and inside the interviews on my Freedom by Choice podcast. McKinsey research on high performing teams points to the same root: psychological load kills output. Put the bitterness down. Your future business needs the room.

Frequently Asked Questions: Ending Hatred and Bitterness

Why do people stay bitter even when it clearly hurts them? Because bitterness feels like justice. It is the emotional equivalent of keeping score. Most people do not realize they are the ones paying the price for that scorekeeping while the object of their resentment moves on completely unaffected. The moment you recognize that the cost is yours alone, the motivation to hold onto bitterness collapses.

How do you end bitterness toward someone who had unfair advantages? By removing emotion from the analysis and looking at the principle underneath. Most advantages people perceive as unfair are actually forms of knowledge transfer that every parent or mentor does in some form. The type of knowledge passed down differs, but the mechanism is identical. Once you see that, the “unfairness” narrative loses its grip.

What is the practical mindset shift Martin recommends? Instead of wishing for someone else's situation to get worse, redirect that same energy toward improving your own. Ask yourself: what would I have to do to achieve what that person has? That question is constructive. It moves you forward. Wishing harm on competitors keeps you standing still while telling yourself you are doing something meaningful.

About the Author

Martin Ebongue is the founder of martinebongue.com, an online business and lifestyle design blog focused on helping aspiring entrepreneurs build location-independent businesses. Since 2014, he has been creating and scaling online ventures across multiple niches, from digital products and affiliate marketing to SaaS and content platforms, while traveling the world. He shares the real-world strategies, tools, and systems that work, with a particular focus on AI-powered automation for solopreneurs. Follow him on YouTube, X (Twitter), and Instagram.

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